Coz Breaking Up is Hard To Do

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  

— Kahlil Gibran
  

Bloody, Bloody, Bloody…

After more than two weeks worth of blood-shot eyes and an equally bloody emotional roller coaster, I break the silence. To those who have been wondering about my Friendster shout-out over the past few days: Yes, you have interpreted it correctly. It’s over. A five-year-old relationship just recently died of natural causes. I still have on my mourning attire. Now taking it off.

 

Why oh why:  Priorities, lives, oddities and pieces that find it painfully impossible to fit. For days I’ve been debating over whether or not to post the raw details that sat brooding in my journal. It was a choice between closure and privacy. In the end, out of deep respect for the guy who shared quite a considerable history with me, I decided that this is as far as the public sharing should go.

 

Who ended it: Does it really matter? But for the record, I did.

 

As expected, friends and loved-ones who learned of this displayed various reactions:
-  A couple of faces contorted into “oh-no-poor-dear” expressions.
-  The brutally frank types said something along the lines of “It’s about time”. (Ouch!)
-  Some did the Santa Claus laugh prompting me to check the calendar just to make sure it’s not yet Christmas.
-  Mom switched from “are-you-really-sure-about-this” to “good-riddance” mode in a space of a few phone calls. Dad covertly tried to unearth more details while checking up on his baby girl.
-  Younger brother gave me the “go-go-go” speech, leaving me wondering as to who is the older sibling.
-  The analytical (read: insane) few played devil’s advocate, toying over the possibility that:

a) An evil spirit or unknown life form possessed me. After repeatedly asking “Who are you and what have you done to my friend”, there was a unanimous conclusion that I need to see a witch doctor or start watching reruns of the X-Files.
b) I am secretly dating Roger Federer and is just biding my time before I make it public.
c) I might be suffering from some sort of temporal insanity and require Freudian analysis.
d) I’m just plain crazy. Always has, always will be.

 

The strangest thing about the whole affair is how 99.9% of these conversations boiled down to one theme: Welcome back to the land of the single and free! From gentle nudges to not-so-subtle shoving, the message remains the same: Stop moping around and move on.

 

And so, for my next course of action: I’m adopting the principle I’m most comfortable with — taking things as they come (A.K.A. Bahala Na). I suppose having learned a lesson or two from all this, I’ll get by just fine.

 

Maybe… I hope so… Please God please… I haven’t been that bad, right?

 

 

And then Some…

1) For pain — be it emotional, physical or imagined — I discovered that a huge dose of irony and dark humor is the best cure. Jessica Zafra saved my sanity yet again for the second time in this lifetime.

2) My ipod got sick the other day and suddenly went into self-diagnostic mode. Probably the result of days of Leona Lewis overplay. I’m moving on, promise. No more cheesy “Better in Time” replays for me.

3) Found that my amount of alcohol consumption decreases in inverse proportion to the level of my emotional distress. Simply put, the more heartsick I get, the less I drink. Great! Not only have I become UNATTACHED, I’ve now turned into a certified KILLJOY.

4) The best way to get over someone is not to find somebody new. It’s to torture yourself to the point where you get all hollow and numb. After that, you find yourself too tired to think of anything else but going to sleep.

5) Now more than ever, my feet is itching to travel. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that the long-delayed, much anticipated trip to Italy this October doesn’t get postponed again. Better have my visa renewed ASAP.

 

I had a really good day today (despite a brief bout of dysmenorrhea early this morning). I’ve been getting more and more of those lately (good days, not dysmenorrhea…silly). Feeling less like a wet-tissue and more like a thinking, feeling, breathing human being again.